Change and why I'm scared of it.

I'm scared of change. Everywhere around me I see people talk about change as if it's a good thing. "I can't wait to finish school and get out of here," or "OMG, you changed so much; you look so good." All those surrounding me are people who can't wait to change. But I view it differently.

When I was a kid, I was all in favor of change. I couldn't wait to be a teenager. I wanted to be cool and have a bunch of friends and drive anywhere I wanted to. And now I am a teenager. And I still want to be a teenager. I don't want to grow up, because I don't want to change. I love the way things are now.

To be loved is to be changed

I saw this quote, and it said, "To be loved is to be changed." And I agree. But how much of this is a good thing? I feel like people only look at change from a positive perspective. Everybody thinks of change as a glow-up instead of a collapse after a loss.

Everyone around me wants to move on, but I want to stay here forever. Frequently I wish I could freeze time. My fear is that the future will hold too many challenges and I won't be able to handle them. The future is uncertain, so I'd rather stay in the predictable present.

Representations in Media

This applies to my real life. I am going to be a senior this upcoming school year. I will be doing so many of my lasts. The last first day of high school, the last homecoming, the last prom. So many lasts. And all these moments will turn into memories. And one day the memories will fade, and I'll forget them forever. One day in the distant future, I will think about my high school experience for the last time. Or worse, I will never forget it, and I will yearn for the past. Wishing I could build a time machine to experience it all over again.

I haven't seen a lot of media to describe this feeling. But the ones I have found are close to my heart and express the heaviness of this feeling. The first is a clip from Adventure Time from the episode The More You Moe, The Moe You Know (Part I).

And then another example is from my favorite book, Call Me By Your Name. This feeling is illustrated throughout the entire last part of the novel, Ghost Spots. The feeling of loss is evoked so lyrically and naturally that you cry alongside Elio throughout the remaining pages of the book. Even though the last part, part four, captures this feeling the most, I think the quote that expresses it the most is from part three, page 199. Elio and Oliver spend the few days they have left together on a trip to Rome; while walking through the dark empty streets, Elio thinks about how he will revisit this moment in the future,

"He came. He left. Nothing else had changed. I had not changed. The world hadn't changed. Yet nothing would be the same."

To give a visual example, however, I would choose the train station scene from the movie adaptation. In this scene, Elio and Oliver say their goodbyes at the train station. You can see in Elio's eyes that he wishes he could freeze time forever. However, Oliver must go, and as he does, Elio breaks, and we see his face of loss and regret in his mother's car.

Conclusion

So really, I think what we can take away from this is that we will constantly change; there's no use in trying to stop it. But we need to use this fear to live in the moment more. Instead of going on your phone, hang out with your friends, go out, and enjoy the moments that you do have. So that when things do change, you know you cherished all that you could.