A Talk About the Fight For my Attention

Recently, I started my summer break. All school year, I had been dreaming of this moment. The moment when I get to relax, enjoy myself, and do everything I wanted to but couldn’t because of a lack of time. But now that I’m here, I find myself on my phone. In a moment where I could do anything I enjoy, I chose to slip back into my old habits.

During the academic year, I scrolled on my phone for a quick break. Something that could easily take my mind off things, where a couple of minutes could make me feel like I had done something I enjoyed that day. Going on my phone was a quick energy booster after a long day of disciplining myself and doing the opposite of what I wanted. A couple of minutes on my phone became a quick escape where I could laugh, passively learn something, or feel included in the latest trends. It was a quick dopamine rush at the end of a day full of cortisol.

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However, now that I am on my summer break, I find myself back into this habit. Instead of enduring a stressful, tiring day, I have only been awake for a peaceful and relaxing couple of hours. So why do I find myself in this position?

Habit.

Or addiction, whatever you want to call it.

And while this is unfortunate, it’s not uncommon. In fact, it’s the main problem in my generation and the younger Gen Alpha.

I know about all the negative consequences, yet as soon as I watch one clip, all of that becomes erased from my head. This problem is extremely irritating to me because it causes a war inside myself. I want to do all my fun hobbies and have a relaxing yet productive summer, but once I get into the cycle of watching videos, it’s like I can’t stop.

However, this issue doesn’t happen to me all the time. For example, on my first day of summer, I was able to play my favorite video game (Animal Crossing: New Horizons), finish Everything I Know About Love by Dolly Alderton, read 40 pages of Dead Poet’s Society, and start a new book. Not once that day did I doomscroll on my phone.

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My problem is that once I start, I can’t stop. If I start scrolling in the morning, I will want to consume all day long.

So enough of how this is a problem; how can I actually fix this?

I’ve tried many techniques throughout the years. But without fail, the most effective is deleting all my apps.

I’ve tried the “only 5 minutes at a time” or “turn on grayscale on your phone,” and yes, they work, but not enough. They are just too easy to bypass. For example, with the grayscale technique, I will put it on, but then when I’m looking for a photo or taking a picture, I’ll revert it back and forget to put it back on for a week.

Then, for the “only 5 minutes at a time.” This has worked better than the grayscale color filter technique. I use an app called Jomo, and while this has worked, it’s not enough. I keep pressing “take a break” and “unlock for 5 minutes” over and over again.

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So this time, I have decided to delete it all. On my phone, the only social media app I have is Facebook, but I barely use it anyway. On my computer, I’ve decided to install Jomo and can only use it after waiting a certain amount of seconds. I hope this helps me focus on things I actually want to spend my time on. I know I will have this problem for as long as social media exists, so I choose to take back my time now.